Is been a while since I posted something in our Blog, but still I don't forget about it. Currently my life goes in a high way and I've been crushed. I couldn't describe how terrible I felt at the moment. I decided to write all stuff in english. I almost forget how to write it and now I only used slang and ghetto english.
One of my friend who visits the university has to visit a english course. So I lately think about what we learn in school, when we even can't use the english specific in buissness. Even my little sister can speak a better english than me. Yeah I know I couldn't settle some stuff and have a lot of problems in my real life now.
After I cried a lot I even able to smile altough there are things that destroy me completly. Sounds like words of a emo. Obviously I am aware about it there a lot of sad story around our world. But I won't change my behaviour. I seeking for hapiness - guess everyone seeking for it. But somehow I've been letting down myself and couldn't even hold myself together anymore. I just can't accept some facts which are clear.
I remember that one of my post where about the topic:
"Why I write Storys"
It was a terrible lie as I use the words "I do write them to have fun." Writing become a part of my life... This was what I thought, before the story happend. I've began to write as I was nine. I felt that I could manage to become important. Live in my own world and I wanted to become something special. My dream was to become a Autor and write different storys based on Fantasy. I was childish and naive. I'm now certain that I just wanted to be seen by my parents. My dad who always at work, my mother who always beat the crap out of me because my wrong behaviour. Ridicoulous... I feel like something important in me break down and get lost for a long time. A time that can't fix a story full of hapiness get lost for a long time. Now I'm searching for those precious memorys. Memorys I once shared with a friend who was like my soulmate. If I think back she was the person who show me to be strong in my own way. "bad things happen for special reasons." Those words where the last ones before she get lost in her desperate. I'm feeling terrible and thinking back of these days breaks my heart. Even now is hard for me to smile and tell myself how happy and proud I am of me.
I remember the time as I was a child and wish to be a hero of a manga or anime. It is a little embrassing but it was beautiful. Imagine you were a heroine who meets your first crush and be happy with that person. Write different adverntured down what get through your head like a flow you can't stop. Your heart beats fast in the moment where you get to the scence you was thinking of. A idea which could never die because I write it down on a piece of paper. Maybe I someday will write something in english if I felt like it. I love Paranoia but somethings missing in this story and somehow I felt hurt because I've change too. I will wait maybe the page transform to a english page some day.
